Once I saw a wealthy man, baguette stuffed in his beak.
Hubristically, he hissed at me, 'Don't you ever wash your feet? '
I said, 'Rich men must eat like kings, judging by your physique.'
He said 'You look a slob.' I said 'They call it shabby chic.'
So he took me for a quick ride on the bonnet of his Benz.
I yelled 'And on your right, you'll see the North Sea meet the Thames! '
He hit the brakes, I hit the road - a toad, but in the end
I got myself a suit lest I mess up the mise-en-scène.
So I waltzed in a posh restaurant in my new shiny shoes,
And asked them for a bottle of their most expensive booze.
The waiter said 'My friend I wouldn't bring a bowl of bread,
A bum like you is fooling none in Tesco Value threads.'
That's no way to treat a man regardless of the gaff.
He pointed to a sign and chuckled 'Strictly no riff-raff.'
I turned upon my heel, and I haven't been back since.
The jokes on them 'cause I left with a pocket full of mints.
Freddie Fielder
http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/scrubbing-up-in-vain/
